To try or not to try....

WE are both a little scared of trying again... we will just leave it to God... and let it be what he wants it to be....
In the meanwhile... I will be making Pozole! Literally! LOL
Any good recipes out there? I got mine, but i like to change things a bit... you never know what could happen!

update

i am at home after the d&c and just resting... i found a good little friend to hang out... nobody i ever thought off... a someone i though didn't like me...a world full of surprises.... my little baby sister in law... nobody has ever done so much for me like she has done.... she knows who she is...te quiero mucho mi cremita de chantilly....

Final Result

Last Friday's Appointment was went as i thought it would go...
I've scheduled a D&C for Wednesday....

A Week

It's been a week... and nothing has happened.... except just waiting...I heard that taking Rue (c0mmon rue) i would just "release" the pregnancy, I thought about taking it... and I did once, but then my conscience came into place, what if....? the "what if" is what killing me now...
My body keeps on gaining weight and following my hormones orders like if i was still pregnant, i keep on doing research, trying to find answers that no website will give me....I read Misdiagnosed miscarriage and my hopes get up, but then I get into more medical crap and my hopes get shot just like a deer at an open range.

And what is up with the baby boom?
My little family spent a mini vacation at Julian and I couldn't seem to get my away from my mourning and really enjoy my surroundings... Everything made me think...and not to help the cause, this lady at a diner.... told us "you should really have another one..." Felt like putting salt, lemon and tequila on an open wound... no words came out, you could just hear our thoughts and feel our sadness...I know my husband felt what I was feeling... but we both opt not to go that road... it Hurts
I guess what i couldn't tell him then and there... I am pouring here Sorry....

SHATTERED

The pregnancy is no good...
Just waiting for my body to release it...
Last week at the appointment... and allow me to say what a difference! He was so much better than the other doctor, Doctor K was a much younger doctor and much more sympathetic doctor... He just said, don't worry we will get through this... we will help you pass this ....
He allowed me to wait 3 more weeks to let my body do it's course, the inevitable... and then a D&C
The sac did not grow more than six weeks which by now it would have been 8 weeks... Things happen for a reason and I know God doesn't send you more than you can handle, but it hurts...
I don't want to hear.. you guys are young, you got your life ahead..
I know that!
For now... Or little angel is in heaven...just allow us to mourn....

PS next appointment is on the 11th

4th and Last Update- waiting for the worse hoping for the best

4th and last update... I guess the next update would be a good or a bad.... dunno... but here is the deal.
I received my hcg levels and did not look very promising... only raised by 2,000 already had 6,000 + did not double just increased... and the call i was dragging... to go in and get a D&C done or just wait until my body rejects it.
I want nothing done like i had said...I am not even going to take the dr's call, I already made another appointment with another doctor... 2nd opinion...
I've forgotten to listen to my heart, and it tells me everything is going to be ok..
I have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful husband that supports me with everything

Update 3

Numb...
That's all i can say
Last week in ER I was measured at 5 Weeks... Yesterday I was measured at 5 Weeks 6 Days... Only the Sac was present
I get a call from the doctor and she says that she wants to do a laparoscopy and more lab tests, but personally and made sure she heard ME this time... I don't want anymore ultrasounds or procedures... If God wants me to have this baby then it will happen... it's in his hands now.
I'm just going to let nature run it's course and see what happens.

Whoever reads this post, thanks for the prayers and good thoughts... they are greatly appreciated

Update 2

Yesterday i was supposed to get a call from 'THE DOCTOR" and just got a call from the imaging clinic to schedule an ultrasound today, which i think it means.. my hcg levels went up... i guess the doctor wants to see what is going on in there.
I tried calling that doctor... and she wasn't there... oh the wait...
Again... where is my bottle of patience? oh wait... my 2 year old accidentally spilled it! LOL
I get another call at night... from "the" doctor again and she advised me to go to ER... I put my foot down on this one...i asked her if it was truly necessary if I already had an appointment scheduled for an ultrasound today.. she said..oh no its just for us to check... OH HECK NO!
I said you know I'm not going to go to ER.. I am not experiencing any kind of pain or bleeding... why should i? did my levels go up? They did end up going up, tripled... Which is a good sign.. like I had imagined when earlier that day i received that call...
Well I got the appointment at 3 today... hopefully we will just have to wait...
OH btw one of my good friends sent me this website...
www.­misdiagnosedmisc­arriage.com
gave me a lot inspiration and hope.. especially the first story... In tears...at work....
seems kind of corny, but I just never imagined myself going through something like this....

Update...

I could just say it's been nerve wracking.... I went in for my first prenatal last week and nothing could be found... measured my HGC levels and they are not doubling up... they are rising but not doubling
My doctor, which I am planning on changing ASAP because of this... told me i might have an ectopic pregnancy... Or because of my levels it could be twins, REALLY DOCTOR, REALLY? from one end to the other one?
I was called on Thursday for an Emergency Ultrasound and Lab Tests... My HCG levels were down.. but there was a G Sac...but it was not ectopic and the Sac measured 5 Weeks
I went in yesterday my G Sac Grew but still nothing...
I've had no cramping until today... that could mean 2 things... Either my body is growing or my body is expelling a bad pregnancy...
Oh the wait.. I gotta wait for my HCG Level Results again... and also a progesterone test that was requested yesterday.... and the wait is just killing me!
I just hate when i have no saying on things...like this one... there is nothing, absolutely nothing i could do to keep this pregnancy... except my faith...

Time Flies!

My little one is almost 3... and we are just going for baby #2!
More to come....

Half Way

that is all i gotta say

Thanksgiving

We celebrated thanksgiving at my Sister's house.. and rode motorcycles.... played in sand.





my husband is soooooo hot in this outfit~!


Yup that is me...



and that, well that is my little rolly polly

Chilling with Mommy

Daddy..

Alanna's Baptism...

Halloween time

Mary had a little Lamb.. Little Lamb Little Lamb

Daughter like Father...

I got no words

Julian

This weekend we went to Julian to eat some yummy Apple Pies and Caramel Apples... my favorites!

the rose path... they didn't no roses...

The Dinner Alanna eating a Pickle...

Thousand Trails... we sneaked in there just to take these pictures...

Crawling... :(

LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND!





SO I JUST GAVE HER A COOKIE...

Baptism... just not Alanna's

This weekend we went to one of our friends niece or nephew... can quite remember.. but we gave A a tortilla for the first time.. and she looooooved it...
see it yourself

Here are some pictures to keep you updated...

It's been a while!

Since I wrote my last blog, there are sooo many new things I'm learning, thankfully my baby sleeps through the night or more!

Well here is the update~ and new pix!

I came back to work on May 12th because my husband was laid off.. :( but he is back working. I wasn't supposed to come back until de 19th, but oh well.

She is almost 4 now and she is currently teething! She is getting soo big.. and heavy.

these are some pictures I took before I came back to work..

MY SQUEAKIE BABY

She is Very Animated

Leaving my heart at home

Today was the day that I had to leave my baby with my mom...
It was perfectly fine until I got on the freeway... Oh man.. I left my heart there, I started doing some psychology on me..."Everything is fine, everybody does it, it's fine..............It's perfectly fine if i cry my heart out!
Hardest thing for me to do... EVER

The business of being born

I finally go to see this movie.. i was supposed to watch it on the day of the baby shower but I was sooo busy with everything. I had put it on my list for netflix but it was available to watch instantly so I did...
and yes I LOVED IT!
Update in a bit... gotta feed the baby!

1st month

Picture Day!

Of course everybody thinks their baby is cute...
I, of course think mine is the most beautiful baby i have ever seen
Here are some delightful pictures



oh and her jaundice went down! we are off the hook!