Monday, August 15, 2011

Hard Days

You can have all the support in the world and feel ok.. but when you are alone... and things start running through your mind, you break down.
I had not had the chance to just let it all out... i sometimes pretend to be stronger than i am... but i am not, I rather not talk about it, and swallow the whole pain in one big gulp.... and it almost feels like I'm swallowing a big ball of fire, especially when my daughter asks me "is my little brother hungry" or "cold" or any question related to our loss. I can't let her see the pain... I push the words out of my mouth and hold back my tears and tell her.. "he/she is going to be a little bit late"
Yesterday, was bad... anything would make me cry... My husband asked me if I wanted to go to our chapel... I didn't know if I wanted to be there.
I felt so much sadness, I couldn't bear the thought of being in front of  God, What would I say? My head is asking " why did you give him to me and then take him away" but my heart reminded me of our Virgin... How selfish of me... who was I to ask something like that?
I cried, sat there just accepting his will
And I prayed for strength...


Sandy said...

Te comprendo Nara y se que ese dolor pasara tmbn por que tienes una hermosa familia y tu mejor medicina es Alanna!!! Arriba esa mujer fuerte y triunfadora, no te dejes caer y veras que ese regalito que tanto quieres llegara en su momento, exigeles estudios a los Dr.'s para que todo salga mejor, y si se vale llorar y gritar, pero tambien seguir por esa hermosa ninia que tienes!!! Animo mujer tu puedes.

Sandy said...

Nara como has estado??? No se de ti !!!